"Chandra, have the new bindis come in yet?"
"No but they’ll be arriving later. There’s another music festival coming up, so we should sell a lot of them again!"
"Patel’s Imported Indian Goods and Fabric Emporium, how may I help you?"
"Hello, this is Wendy. I have done you a great favour just now. I’ll be around in five minutes to tell you. You are going to be so pleased at this renouncement of my whiteness."
"What a strange young woman."
"What is it, Chandra?"
"Nevermind darling. Oh, a customer!"
"Hello, you strong, proud, beautiful PoC couple. I am so glad to see neither of you have polluted your blood by allowing yourself to be fetishised by white people."
"Ummm…. yes. May I help you?"
"No, I have come to help you."
"Ah. That’s very kind of you, but we aren’t looking for a part-time girl at the moment… if you want to leave your resume here we will let you know if we need one in the future."
"No! I would never use my white privilege to appropriate the labour of a PoC establishment! No I have come to bring you great news. Some nasty ass mayo-faced crackers on facebook said they were going to come here to buy some bindis to wear to the music festival that was coming up! Before I unfriended them, I thoroughly educated all of them on cultural appropriation! Rejoice! Those crackers won’t be appropriating anything from here in a hurry!"
"And I made sure to post reviews explaining the evils of cultural appropriation on all your yelp, google and facebook pages! You won’t get any crackers trying to buy bindis, incense or saris from you again, if I’m worth my salt!"
"I renounced my whiteness and saved you from the crackers trying to steal your culture! Their money probably smelled like mayo anyway. Are you not pleased?"
"You’re trying to save us…. by scaring our customers away?’
"Cultural appropriation leads to othering, fetishising, oppression and death of brown people. I invite you to educate yourself by looking at these blogs on tumblr…"
"Educate ourselves? On our own culture?!?!?"
"You won’t believe how many likes and reblogs I got from WoC feminists on tumblr!"
"I can’t feed my children or pay my mortgage with likes and reblogs! Get out of my shop!"
"Well! You have clearly internalised so much racism, living in Bedfordshire! Again, I invite you to educate yourself by looking at the following tumblr blogs, so you will understand how whites wearing clothing made by Indian people destroys Indian culture! Internalised racists are so ungrateful…."
"Get out of our shop!!!!!"
"Fine! It’s not my job to educate lost causes like you! I know the Korean deli and the Nigerian bakery will appreciate my activism!"
This is beautiful, but a little bit unrealistic.
People who support CA here don’t have the guts to do this, they are pussies that hide behind their monitor, just by rebbling and liking they think they’ve saved the world from the evil of white people.
Still it would be hillarious to see this happening.